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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Build With the God

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Because I try to be as much like Pharrell Williams as humanly possible, last night at Taco Bell, when I ordered one of those Nacho Crunch Burrito joints, with chicken (instead of Carne Asada steak), I asked shorty behind the register (with the mean little poke-out), "Can I have it like that?" She smiled, and with her best Stefani smirk replied, "You got it like that."

International swagger, indeed.

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Christina. Yoo hoo. Christina?
Dude…what are you dressed like?
Never mind.
HERE AM I!
Draw nigh hither, or something; kick of those whore heels, 'cause, like, you're standing on holy ground.
It is I. The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Kevin Smith, whose brilliant new film, The Passion of the Clerks Clerks II, starring Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, and Jason Mewes, is currently playing at a theater near you.
Ahem
I have surely seen the affliction of my peeps, who are in New York, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows
You, my child, are chosen to lead them.

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Who am I that I should go against that which represents all that is evil in this world? I mean, I'm from Pittsburg…

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Look, you little hoebag, want to spend the rest of enternity on Koch?
You'll be doing Folklore numbers when I'm through with you.
Cam'ron and Fat Joe clearly didn't know what forces they were screwing with, and neither, apparently, do you.

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But what, dear Lord, shall I do?!

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What would Preem do.

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Is that, like, a rhetorical question?
…WTF? Who goes there?

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Bring your lifestyle to me; I'll make it better.

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How long will I live?

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Eternal life and forever.

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And will I be the G that I was?

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I'll make your life better than you can imagine, or even dreamed of. So relax your soul; let me take control.
Close your eyes, my child.

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My eyes are closed.